Today’s film lesson: watching movies just because they star gorgeous guys is a bad idea. Not even pretty boys with accents can make up for movies that really want to be video games.
The Lawnmower Man — Pierce Brosnan is the scientist investigating virtual reality, who uses it to turn the borderline moron neighborhood handyman into an evil super-genius. Think Charly, only really bad and with really cheesy fake computer animation. Much worse than I remembered. (I had hopes that all the online commentators insulting the effects were being typically harsh on anything that got computers the least little bit wrong, or anything that tried to make hacking more visual, but they were right.)
The only reason to watch it is that Brosnan’s character likes to dictate his “experiments” into his computer journal while shirtless, and that’s not enough to make up for the rest of this cliché-filled time-waster.
The Thomas Crown Affair — A much better movie than the first one, but I made the mistake of watching it on TBS, which resulted in two problems: the movie, although recorded according to the published time slot schedule, cut off just as Rene Russo leaves the museum the final time, so I missed the ending, and all the sexy bits were cut out. The staircase scene, ouch!, and her dress being two of the most obvious omissions. Boo basic cable!
I hadn’t realized how angry and grim Brosnan looks during most of this movie, even when interacting with two amazing women, Russo and Faye Dunaway as his psychiatrist. Lovely scenery of all kinds, and I adored the Magritte imagery. I’ll have to get a DVD so I can see the “adult” material without ads and editing.
Van Helsing — I’ve had this for ages simply because it stars Hugh Jackman, and it’s never seemed important enough to watch. It still isn’t. I threw it on while doing some other things, and I’d ignore the sequences clearly intended to be video game sections, looking up only when Hugh talked. I think I wound up paying attention to about 15 minutes total. Did they ever explain why his character remembered things that happened hundreds of years ago? Overall, dumb and no fun.
I read in the IMDB trivia section that the final fight scene was supposed to have Hugh nude, only the director felt it would be “too distracting”. I needed some distraction from the rest of this turgid mess! Boo stupid director!
By the way, has Kate Beckinsale ever done anything worthwhile? Credit scan… apparently not. Eye candy who can’t act.